Stuck in Overwhelm

Feeling stuck in a bad place physically or emotionally is one of the worst feelings in the world. In fact, feeling hopelessly stuck traumatizes us. Think of a small animal pinned helplessly in a hunter’s trap, unable to move and scared of the hand reaching out to help. Every small movement causes pain.

We don’t have to be a small animal in a steel trap to feel stuck. Something — perhaps a traumatic and defining moment — might have happened a long time ago. The sad truth is we can still feel stuck even though the event or relationship took place years ago. It doesn’t mean we are bad people, horrible Christians, or faith-failures. We might be stuck in a vicious cycle of pain, a destructive relationship, an addiction, a feeling of unforgiveness. I’m not talking about other people out there. I’m talking about you and me: parents, mature Christians, professionals, teachers, leaders. We might just need a little help to take a step in the right direction.

In this post and the next few, I will share a bit more specifically how I broke the cycle of pain in my life in the last few years. I feel passionate about this topic because so many of us are stuck in painful cycles, overwhelmed each day, trying to hang on, and we just can’t seem to change anything. I had to learn a whole new way of living in relationship to my pain. That sounds like a big job…and it was…but one so worth it. I’m not stuck anymore.

Background: I “dwelled” in overwhelm for about 5 years. I knew I needed help when I could barely get myself out of the house and felt sad that the Covid virus was finally ebbing, and normal life could resume. I could handle staying home, but I could not handle much more than that. Many scripts, ones I wholeheartedly believed, ran through my head:

I get a headache every time I’m in the car.

I always get stomach problems on campus.

I can’t do that because it requires too much walking.

I will always be in pain.

These mental narratives almost became mantras because I bought into them so completely. That last one was very discouraging. I couldn’t bear to even think about the future because all I could see was pain. My belief that these lines were true was making them true — self-fulfilling prophecies. Waves of overwhelm made me feel helpless and exhausted. I felt very afraid of my pain and what it was doing to me. It seemed like it would dominate my life forever, and I couldn’t bear to think about the future.

When we are stuck, transformation comes when we start taking small steps forward out of that place of helplessness.

“He concentrated on one step at a time,
carefully raising and setting down each foot.
He thought only about each step,
and not the impossible task that lay before him.”

(Louis Sachar, Holes, 170)

I’ll be talking more about my steps out of overwhelm and back into life, but as I close this post, can you take some time to check your thoughts and look for pain or stress narratives that constantly loop in your mind? I’m not even asking you to try to change them right now. Just try to notice them with curiosity instead of condemnation.

If you know you have these mantras in your head, and you want to hear more, start reading Alan Gordon’s The Way Out.